Why the most compassionate leaders have boundaries

Boundaries aren’t barriers – they’re the structure that lets you show up with strength and compassion, even in the toughest of times, writes Leah Mether.

Leading through challenge and change is often a long game. It takes stamina, resilience, and consistency. That is why setting, holding and protecting your own personal boundaries is essential. The only way you’ll be able to give and sustain compassion to your team through the stress of tough times is if you’re in good shape yourself. And the only way to stay in good shape is by prioritising your needs and protecting your energy and time – without guilt.

Some leaders believe that compassion means giving all of themselves to their people: being available at every moment, saying yes to every request, and giving, giving, giving until there’s nothing left. If this is your view of what compassionate leadership looks like, it’s no wonder you might feel sceptical, thinking, “I can’t give any more. I’m already running on empty.”

But here’s the reality: true compassion isn’t about giving until you’re empty. Without boundaries, that approach is simply unsustainable. Boundaries – whether they’re around your availability, workload, or the way people approach you – are not in opposition to compassion. Rather, they are the foundation of it. By setting and holding firm to these boundaries, you create the conditions you need to be fully present, calm, and capable for your team when it matters most.

Boundaries that support compassionate leadership

A practical way to bring boundaries into your compassionate leadership style is the “what’s OK, what’s not OK” framework. This allows you to hold space for your team while setting expectations that keep interactions productive and respectful. Boundaries, after all, teach people how to treat us and help manage both their expectations and ours.

For instance:

• “It’s OK for you to vent to me about the change when you need to, but what’s not OK is to make that venting a personal attack on other people.”

• “I am happy to discuss the change with you and want to hear how it’s affecting you, but now is not a good time for me. Let’s book a time to catch up this afternoon so I can give you my full attention.”

• “I value your need for a confidential conversation, and I’ll be available during work hours for that, but I don’t take work calls after 7pm as I need time to reset.”

Boundaries like these not only preserve your energy but also model respectful, focused communication that your team can emulate. They help ensure you’re emotionally and mentally equipped to navigate tough times alongside your team, without becoming overwhelmed or resentful.

Creating your boundaries and communicating them

What boundaries do you need in place to sustain compassionate leadership? Every leader’s situation is different, but setting some general boundaries can create a healthier environment for you and your team. Consider what works best for your workload, energy, and unique team needs. Here are a few examples:

• Availability: “If you need more than five minutes with me, please book a meeting.”

• Work hours: “I don’t respond to emails after 6pm. If it’s urgent, please text me.”

• Focus time: “Please don’t interrupt me if my door is closed. That indicates that I’m doing focused work or in a confidential conversation.”

• Meeting times: “I don’t do meetings before 10am.”

• Respectful dialogue: “I’m happy to hear your concerns about the change, but I’ll step in if the conversation becomes unproductive or personal.”

Explain the reasoning behind these boundaries to your team. Emphasise that these aren’t just “rules” but measures to ensure you can be the leader they need. When your team understands why you’re setting these boundaries, they’re more likely to respect them, and they’ll know what to expect from you. Remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Setting boundaries is a key to sustained compassion

Leading with compassion doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself. According to researcher and author Brené Brown, boundaries allow us to “find a way to be generous towards others while continuing to lead with integrity and stay true to yourself”. In times of challenge and change, this balance is crucial. By setting boundaries, you’re not only protecting your energy but also giving your team a stable, resilient leader they can depend on.

Boundaries aren’t barriers – they’re the structure that lets you show up with strength and compassion, even in the toughest of times. They’re a signal to your team that it’s possible to be compassionate without compromising personal wellbeing. In fact, by modelling boundary-setting, you’re also helping your team see the importance of looking after their own mental health and wellbeing. A leader who manages their own boundaries is one who others look up to and learn from.

So, take a moment to reflect on the boundaries that will serve you and your team best. And as you do, remember: real compassion requires it.

Leah Mether is an author, communication speaker, and trainer.