‘You get what you tolerate’: Navigating tough love in the office
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Addressing issues early, creating a culture of open communication, and leading with empathy can take the difficult out of difficult conversations, according to a workplace expert.
It is likely to be almost universally agreed that difficult conversations are one of the most challenging aspects of working in HR.
As reported by HR Leader, the Fair Work Ombudsman defines a difficult conversation as “one in which you have to manage emotions and information in a sensitive way to deal with a workplace issue”.
This may involve topics that aren’t easy to talk about in a workplace setting, situations where it’s difficult to know what to say, cases of conflicting opinions, and circumstances where the outcome is uncertain.
According to employment lawyer Jen Bicknell, one of the biggest misconceptions around difficult conversations is that sugarcoating feedback is kind.
She said: “It might be kind for you, but it’s not fair to let someone believe they’re doing a great job for two years and then blindside them with a reality check in year three.”
And this applies to all sorts of conversations – from extremely awkward personal hygiene to matters of role suitability, with Bicknell adding: “If someone isn’t suited to a role, tell them so they can go and work somewhere they can excel.”
In this vein, future conversations and employee responses depend on establishing open communication from the outset. In practice, this is seen in both employer conduct and a culture where it is normalised.
Bicknell specified that feedback should be treated as an everyday or normal part of employment, not something to dread, avoid, or fear, adding: “Make it clear that direct communication is expected and encouraged.”
As in life, avoiding a problem only encourages its growth and exacerbation, potentially resulting in the departure of valuable employees. In this way, a conversation early on dictates whether it is manageable or expensive, formal or laid-back.
And as would be expected, employees who feel comfortable and casual in such environments are likely more receptive, honest, and content.
Despite this, Bicknell acknowledged that some topics or conversations will always be tough.
She said: “Policies are easy, people are not. Performance discussions and terminations are really difficult, especially when someone believes they’re doing a great job. Telling someone they have a sensitive hygiene issue is never easy either.”
In this way, Bicknell noted that early preparation and casual scripting can help an employer lead the conversation the right way and lead with empathy.
She said: “Scripts are like a GPS. They stop you [from] going off course. The right tool is the difference between clarity and chaos. With clarity, a person feels confident, and they can lead with empathy.”
For employees either not used to or not receptive to honest feedback, Bicknell advocates for a simple, realistic approach. She said: “You can’t control how feedback lands, only how you deliver it. Be clear, kind, and brief. In two sentences, tell them what the issue is and why it is important.”
“They don’t have to like it, they just have to hear it.”
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Your organization's culture determines its personality and character. The combination of your formal and informal procedures, attitudes, and beliefs results in the experience that both your workers and consumers have. Company culture is fundamentally the way things are done at work.
An employee is a person who has signed a contract with a company to provide services in exchange for pay or benefits. Employees vary from other employees like contractors in that their employer has the legal authority to set their working conditions, hours, and working practises.
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