Why mateship and mentorship matter more than ever in an isolated age

Sharing, listening, and understanding, in the presence of other men who can hold an empathetic ear, is where the real magic unfolds, lasting and purposeful friendships are formed, and a place we can finally find our tribe, writes John Broadbent.

According to a 2024 report by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 22 per cent of men in the 35–44 age group experienced social isolation. These are mostly working men, challenged by balancing career, family responsibilities, and social expectations, yet finding little time or a safe space to express their emotional needs.

From our primal past, men have always needed the company of other men. Our modern meetings come from the time we sat in “circle” to discuss important tribal decisions, participated in storytelling, shared important news, celebrated a birth, made plans to go to war, dispensed justice or listened as the elders shared their wisdom. The irony here is that the promise of an interconnected world and being able to “talk” with anyone, anywhere, in an information-rich age, has robbed us of the very interpersonal connections we need to thrive.

We have also lost the opportunity that the sharing of elder wisdom used to offer in the form of mentoring. Today, older people who may not be technically savvy are rarely valued, even though they carry decades of valuable life experience and probably faced far more challenging times than we have. In doing this, we devalue and discount their hard-earned wisdom. If you are experiencing loneliness and want to find men with whom you can connect, here are some ways you can start to build your own circle of mates:

• Start with a meal: organisations like The Men’s Table started in 2011 with a handful of mates getting together once a month at a local restaurant for dinner, in a private room. The intent was to create a safe space where the men could speak, share, learn and support each other. Today, there are now more than 200 “tables” in Australia!
• Start your own men’s group with some mates or workmates: there are many online resources that can help with the set-up, guidelines (like confidentiality), approaches, meeting frequency, and general set-up. Find a comfortable, private space, such as a room or a place where you won’t be disturbed. Public places like pubs, clubs, cafes, and restaurants are not ideal, unless you can secure a private room. Make it alcohol-free, at least for the meeting itself.
• Find a local, in-person men’s group: some are “closed” men’s groups (meaning they’re not open to new men), so look for an open men’s group (aka OMG!) and inquire about how they work and when they meet.
• Attend an open online group: with virtual meeting platforms like Teams, Zoom and Meets, there are now many groups offering free online catch-ups. As a new member, you’ll usually be welcomed and advised in advance about how the group functions and the specific “rules of engagement”.
• Attend a men’s gathering: these are often run annually, across Queensland, NSW, Victoria, South Australia, Tasmania and Western Australia, and some are more than 25 years old. They are managed by professional, experienced facilitators, where large groups of men (50–200) usually convene in the bush (nature is a wonderful, natural environment!), for a weekend of camping, mateship, and exploration of what it means to be a man in this modern world. If you’re cautious about going on your own, invite a mate or two. These events can be a deeply bonding experience from which many men have gone on to form their own, private men’s groups.
• Join a team or club: if you once played sport, find a local club and explore what options are available. There are many seasonal and off-season-based activities where you can meet regularly with like-minded men, and allocate time just for you to be with mates.
• Find a mentor: seek out an older man you appreciate, explain what it is about him you admire, and ask if he would be willing to be a mentor.

The singular purpose of all of these is to be with other men, in a safe, connected, respectful and non-judgemental environment, where you feel you can speak freely, be heard, not be advised (unless you specifically ask), and learn to listen deeply to other men, their lives and experiences. Sharing, listening, and understanding, in the presence of other men who can hold an empathetic ear, is where the real magic unfolds, lasting and purposeful friendships are formed, and a place we can finally find our tribe.

John Broadbent is an author, specialist coach, mentor, retreat creator, and facilitator with nearly 30 years of experience in men’s personal development.