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Considering the sheer amount of time work colleagues spend together, it’s not surprising that romantic relationships can sprout, but when things go wrong, it can affect the whole team.
On a recent episode of the HR Leader Podcast, founding director and principal psychologist of The Relationship Room, Rachel Voysey, touched on platonic and romantic relationships forming in the workplace and the potential fallout that can arise when these relationships fracture.
Voysey spoke on some of the extreme elements of these relationships, which can sometimes involve infidelity and affairs.
“The other extreme that’s probably the area I work in, is often [these] very sensitive relationships where there’s been, either affairs or very difficult personal issues have come into a workplace relationship,” she said.
“[It becomes] problematic and becoming increasingly problematic, not just for the people in the relationship, but for the distrust in the team and in the organisation.”
Voysey expressed how colleagues often pick up on the signs of romantic workplace relationships, which have manifested in distrust forming within the team, especially if the power dynamics of the relationship are uneven.
“Because one thing humans are interested in is that we almost pick up on secrets before we know they’re there. When there’s an intimate relationship happening in a team and it’s being kept as a secret, people pick up on it intuitively in interesting ways,” said Voysey.
“I have worked often when it’s maybe a superior and a subordinate, there’s a bit of a power difference in the people in that relationship. When you’re working in a team, trust is very important. When somebody’s closer to the top or the source of power in a company that can make other people suspicious of that person, it can create this kind of distrust that can look like gossiping between other people in the team.
“The first telltale sign is there are almost these kinds of secrets being shared or there’s this level of insight that one person has that they really shouldn’t have. This sits a bit outside what should be happening in a workplace. That is often a telltale sign that the relationship’s gone from being professional to personal.”
Infidelity in the workplace can impact the people involved in the relationship and those outside of it. Despite the stigma that surrounds it, Voysey expressed how imperative it is for HR leaders to approach these situations with an open mindset.
“Infidelity probably has one of the biggest stigmas of all issues, probably across all of my work… If these situations do come up in the workplace, it’s being able to intervene and help, but also protect the people involved so that they feel they’re not going to be subject to huge judgement,” she said.
“Under periods of high stress, people are likely to make more poor choices… Everyone’s under stress, they’re not coping well. And I think if you understand that, you can be more sensitive to looking out for these things and protecting your team and your employees.
“There can also be a lot of bullying that happens around these things too, because people they’re very quick to take sides and judge. This is where I think it’s really important in the way it’s managed because if it is going on, you do need to try and come from this place of trying to be understanding and open to having that revealed to you because otherwise you’re just doubling down on the secrecy that’s going on.
“[Leaders] have got to be very careful when [they’re] managing these things that you don’t come across from a judgmental, moralised view or you’re just encouraging more secrecy within that team or the relationship that’s happening.
“I think trying as much as possible to have an open minded approach when you’re exploring these things means it’s more likely that someone may say something to you, that they have a feeling something’s going on and that can sometimes be the opening of a door where you can actually get to the bottom of things.”
Dealing with the after-effects of a breakdown in a workplace relationship can be a difficult task for HR leaders. Voysey said that the most important aspect is rebuilding trust within a team.
“Rebuilding the trust and helping those employees understand how this is being managed and that there are policies and procedures in place and helping bring transparency back,” said Voysey.
“Rebuilding trust is really important, but you can’t do that unless they feel that something is being done. So I think that’s where it’s helpful within the bounds of discretion and confidentiality is for people to know that it’s being dealt with.
“If there’s a power differential or some favouritism that’s happened, [employees must know that] these things will be addressed and understood by the team and the organisation. So, to me, it’s just working back to that position where you should be, and you want to start from, which is good communication and trust in the team.”
Kace O'Neill
Kace O'Neill is a Graduate Journalist for HR Leader. Kace studied Media Communications and Maori studies at the University of Otago, he has a passion for sports and storytelling.
