Redefining balance: How working parents can negotiate their own reality

Balancing career growth and parenthood is often portrayed as a trade-off, where succeeding in one means compromising the other. But over time, I’ve realised that this framing is flawed. As a mother of two and a professional working across diverse markets, I’ve seen work and family not as opposing forces but as interconnected aspects of a fulfilling life.

This mindset shift was inspired by Tim Ferriss’ idea that “reality is negotiable”. His philosophy challenges the traditional structures we often accept without question and encourages us to actively shape our lives to align with our values and goals.

When I returned to work after becoming a parent, I started rethinking how my role, career path, and expectations could evolve with me. Rather than choosing between ambition and presence, I’ve learnt that it’s possible to design a career that grows with your life – and supports what matters most.

Redefining success on your terms

Changing how we define success is the first step in balancing career and parenthood. Before becoming a parent, I was known to be competitive, and external benchmarks, such as titles, promotions, and professional achievements, shaped my ambitions. But as life evolved, so did my understanding of what fulfilment meant.

The key is acknowledging that success isn’t a fixed destination but an evolving journey that aligns with personal aspirations, not just career milestones. While it was uncomfortable at first, this is what I did:

• Assess your reality: Take an honest look at your current situation – your career goals, family responsibilities, and personal aspirations. Ask yourself: What does my ideal work/life balance look like? What are my non-negotiables?

• Reframe success and embrace discomfort: Redefine success by focusing on what truly fulfils you, not just titles or promotions. Embrace discomfort as a natural part of growth – stepping into the unknown often signals progress. When you lean into change and trust the process, you create space for personal and professional evolution on your terms.

• Seek inspiration and guidance: Learn from those who have successfully navigated career and family life. Speak to mentors, read stories of working parents, and gather insights that challenge traditional ways of working.

• Commit to a flexible mindset: Recognise that your definition of balance will change over time. Being adaptable allows you to refine your approach as circumstances evolve.

Taking action to build a work/life model that works for You

Once you’ve shifted your mindset, the next step is actively shaping your reality. This means making intentional career moves – whether that’s seeking new opportunities, negotiating for flexibility, or embracing calculated risks. This can be done in a variety of ways:

• Redefining career growth through life stages: You won’t know what works until you try – and that’s the mindset that’s guided my career. I’ve transitioned between start-ups and large corporations, each experience teaching me what I truly need to sustain a healthy balance. In the year before becoming a mum, I thrived in a high-energy, always-on environment. Then, during COVID-19, I stepped into the role of country manager at IAS – a time that tested leadership under uncertainty.

After becoming a parent, everything shifted. When I returned from maternity leave, I still had the drive to stretch myself, so I temporarily took on the Japanese market. Travelling with a baby was intense but incredibly rewarding – and only possible thanks to a supportive partner who joined me. After my second child in 2024, I realised I couldn’t maintain that pace and be the parent I wanted to be. So, I recalibrated – stepping away from the Japan role but not stepping back. I negotiated a new focus on Asia-Pacific strategic projects, aligning my impact with my life stage.

Through every change, one thing has remained constant: client focus. At IAS, putting clients at the centre of everything we do continues to drive value, trust, and long-term success – for them and for us.

• Leverage your and advocate for yourself: Surround yourself with people who support your goals, like what Seth Godin articulates in his idea of “building your tribe”. The right network can offer encouragement, perspective, and critical opportunities. At the same time, don’t hesitate to advocate for what you need – flexible work arrangements, project ownership, or role adjustments.

• Stay the course: Change doesn’t happen overnight. There will be setbacks, moments of doubt, and times when things feel overwhelming. Remind yourself why you made these changes in the first place. Your “why” will keep you grounded.

Balance is built, not found

Balancing career and parenthood isn’t about choosing one over the other – it’s about intentionally designing a life where both can coexist and thrive. Success should be defined on your own terms, evolving alongside your personal and professional journey. At IAS, this mindset is supported through progressive policies like 16 weeks of global parental leave, flexible work arrangements, and a holistic wellness program, Well on Our Way. These initiatives empower employees to prioritise what matters most – health, family, and meaningful work.

My own journey has been shaped by experimentation, micro-adjustments, and open conversations. I’ve learnt that growth doesn’t come from doing more but from doing what aligns with your values. Redefining balance isn’t a one-time decision – it’s a continuous process that shifts as life changes.

To fellow parents: don’t wait for the perfect set-up. Advocate for flexibility, own your ambitions, and co-create the work/life model that works for you. There’s no universal formula, but with the right mindset and support system, building a fulfilling career while being present for your family is possible. The key is to know what you need, ask for it, and believe it’s possible to have both.

Jessica Miles is the country manager, ANZ, at Integral Ad Science.

Kace O'Neill

Kace O'Neill is a Graduate Journalist for HR Leader. Kace studied Media Communications and Maori studies at the University of Otago, he has a passion for sports and storytelling.