Can leaders really change? They have to want to

Drop the mask. Be authentic. Start with an authentic smile and humility. Watch the change in others and their respect for you soar, writes Chris Smith.

“I thought that’s what you wanted to see.”

The fellow was skilled, so highly skilled. I’d feel safe with this person in the captain’s seat anytime, anywhere, and so for my family to travel with him, and that is the ultimate and final check item for me as an examiner. Technically excellent, experienced, and pleasant, in his mid-30s, this man had the perfect combination of age and experience to be promoted to his first command position. And he deserved it, having spent many years second in charge as a first officer, observing and learning. Now, it was his turn to put it into practice.

He passed – with some discussion.

It could have been better still. Really? The person is “excellent” but can still do better? Absolutely.

I could see it in their faces, the crew members. Yes, he was new at this “being in charge” situation, undergoing examination and naturally somewhat stressed. They knew that, however. They were mostly with him but not quite; they’d do their jobs but not with genuine enthusiasm. Smiling yes, but guarded.

It all seems so easy sitting back and watching. It’s quite another when we’re “right in it”. Sometimes, we as leaders just can’t see what’s going on, can’t pick up the signals.

There are cultural differences around the world. I know. I’ve worked with them. In some parts of the world, the hierarchy is set, and that’s it. One thing is for certain, however; we won’t get absolute peak performance no matter what unless they want to.

Force won’t do it. The best we’ll get is reluctant compliance, and possibly temporary at that. And neither will a steep managerial gradient. That was his Achilles heel.

The moment he stepped into the captain’s seat, he changed. On went a mask. He didn’t wear this mask as a first officer. The relaxed, welcoming and open person, still highly responsible and second in charge was no more – or at least was much harder to find.

Oh, yes, he had observed, learnt, and been subliminally mentored. He’d worked with countless others.

Were they all exhibiting a steep leadership gradient? Nearly all. In this organisation, those who didn’t were outliers.

The result of such a culture? Well, we won’t know it but there will be a partial shutdown at best – a reduced performance at least – and some disenchantment for certain.

Every communication with this normally delightful fellow had to include his title, “Captain”. Sure, it’s correct, and he’s earned it, but others don’t need constant reminding, especially privately. We don’t need to talk to our own staff using our title either. If we call one of our staff members on the telephone, would we really say this is “Doctor, Mr, Mrs, Miss, Captain …”? I don’t think so. Just how open, relaxed and willing to speak to us will that make them? They certainly won’t feel comfortable to give us the real picture, especially if the news isn’t good. And when things aren’t going well, we really need them to open up, fearlessly.

So what can we do about it?

It’s not his fault. It’s what he’d learnt. Do we or can we “unlearn”? How big a task is this? The answer is “yes” and “reasonably big”. It depends on whether the person is willing. Remember, we don’t want them to go completely the other way. There has to be some gradient. Someone has to make final decisions and take responsibility for them.

The good news: it doesn’t have to occur overnight, and it doesn’t have to be perfect. Any change is good, and very beneficial. Even if our change is somewhat awkward – mechanical – and yes, even if it comes across as not natural, it’s OK. And this is key. People will forgive you almost anything as long as they know you are genuinely trying. In fact, they’ll appreciate it even more from someone for whom it doesn’t come naturally.

It’s like travelling to a foreign country and trying to use the local language. The locals appreciate the attempt. We can teach how to relate, what’s happening on the front line, self-awareness – methods, even words and phrases to practice and use. It works.

This particular person? Shocked. He had no idea. He learnt, however, and the upside was enormous.

In my experience, it’s important to be highly considerate of a person in this situation. Imagine what it could be like to not have been made aware of how you were perceived throughout your life, only to be confronted with it later. It could be just too much.

Now, let’s think: operating theatres, business executives, politicians – local and global, legal practitioners, managers at all levels. How about all of us? Maybe some lessons for the home? I think so.

Imagine if an entire organisation adopted this lesson. Imagine. It can be done.

Drop the mask. Be authentic. Start with an authentic smile and humility. Watch the change in others, and their respect for you soar.

Chris Smith is a former senior airline captain and manager, author, lecturer, and counsellor.