The professional’s mask – men’s mental health laid bare

In professional services, where performance often comes first, we need to remember that people come first too, writes Dr Mark Pizzacalla.

Having been involved with the professional services sector for over 40 years, I can confidently say that “I’ve seen this movie before”.

Walk into any office kitchen, client function, or networking event, and you will hear familiar conversations.

Work. Sport. News.

These topics aren’t trivial. They represent how many men connect. They create shared language, ease social friction, and build trust in environments where professionalism and boundaries matter.

For most men, these conversations are not avoidance of their real issues; rather, they are entry points into what’s really going on in their lives.

The challenge arises when pressure builds and those same conversations become the only safe place interaction ever goes. Not because men don’t want to talk about what’s really happening with them, but because many don’t know how, or where, to take the next step.

The professional mask

Professional environments reward composure, control, and technical competence.

From early on in our careers, men learn that being “on top of things” is just a normal and expected part of the job. Clients expect it, teams rely on it, and leaders model it.

So, when pressure builds – a culmination of long hours, commercial responsibilities, personal strains, and personal liabilities – many men just don’t talk about how they’re coping. Instead, they talk about safe topics – footy scores, market movements, or the latest headline.

These conversations are easy to have because they create the illusion of connection while allowing men to avoid vulnerability. They signal that everything is fine, even when it’s not.

Keep the professional mask on – people don’t need to know or want to know what’s really happening in our lives – or so men tell themselves.

The danger is that this professional mask can become so ingrained that men lose the ability or self-awareness to know that there is something with them that is not quite right.

Signs not always obvious

One of the biggest misconceptions about men’s mental health is that distress is meant to always look dramatic or obvious.

In reality, it often looks like “business as usual”.

Men still show up. Still perform. Still joke about the weekend game. Still answer emails late at night. Still say they are “busy” (even when they are not), saying they’re doing OK rather than “I’m struggling”.

I have seen firsthand and had conversations with men who have been at breaking point but who, to the outside world, would otherwise appear to be completely fine. Professional. Successful. Respected.

What they were experiencing internally, however, was isolation. A sense that there was no appropriate place, time, or permission to say how they were really going.

When distress is hidden behind safe topics, it becomes harder for colleagues, leaders, and even close friends and family to recognise the signs that someone needs support.

Why professionals are particularly vulnerable

Professionals have a unique cocktail of pressures.

High cognitive demand, time-based billing, high client expectations, and competitive career progression pathways. A culture that often equates resilience with endurance and stability.

Add to that the reality that many men in these environments are also navigating family responsibilities and financial pressures, while keeping their identity closely tied to professional success.

Yet despite this complexity, emotional conversations at work are still often viewed as inappropriate, uncomfortable, or unproductive by those who are genuinely struggling.

So, men adapt. They keep things at the surface level. They compartmentalise their issues and convince themselves that they will deal with them later.

But “later” has a habit of not arriving.

Talking is not oversharing

There is a fear among men that moving beyond safe topics means oversharing or unnecessarily burdening others with their problems.

It can be as simple as saying, “I’m finding this period tough,” rather than “I’m flat out.” Or asking, “How are you really going?” and being prepared to pause long enough to listen for the answer.

The goal isn’t to turn workplaces into therapy rooms. It’s to normalise honesty.

When leaders model this behaviour, acknowledging that work pressures are real and difficult, no matter your status in the organisational hierarchy, it creates psychological permission for others to do the same.

And that permission matters.

Opening the door is enough

We don’t need every conversation to go deep. But we do need every conversation to make depth possible.

For many men, moving beyond safe topics is uncomfortable. It challenges years of conditioning and stereotypes about what men are supposed to be.

“We don’t need every conversation to go deep. But we do need every conversation to make depth possible.”

But I have seen firsthand that when the door is opened, even slightly, men step through it.

Sometimes all it takes is knowing that someone is willing to listen without trying to fix, judge, or minimise their feelings. Just listen. A problem shared is a problem halved.

‘A problem shared is a problem halved’

In professional services, where performance often comes first, we need to remember that people come first, too.

Because the conversations we avoid today are often the ones we wish we had had earlier.

And sometimes, simply asking and genuinely listening can change everything.

Dr Mark Pizzacalla is a partner at BDO and board member of The Male Hug, a not-for-profit charity committed to raising awareness in relation to men’s mental health for professional males.