How to deal with difficult conversations when managing up

There are many leaders out there who do well with difficult conversations when managing down, but it is the difficult conversations when managing up that they get stuck on, writes Amy Jacobson.

As leaders, we wear many hats in our different roles and environments. We wear one hat when we are leading our team and another hat as a team member working with managers, stakeholders, and peers. Each hat has a different role and requires a different set of skills if we are to be successful in it.

Mastering the competencies of managing up will decrease the number of difficult conversations we have to have and will help to provide solutions. The more we build these competencies, the fewer difficult conversations will be required, and our managing up relationships will grow, creating more balance and less misalignment.

Build relationships

Managing up our relationships with our manager, our manager’s manager, and the people above them is just as much our responsibility as the relationships we build when managing down.

Too often I hear leaders say that they never hear from their leader or from the CEO or anyone in the C-Suite. My first question back is, “When was the last time you made the effort to contact them?”

Relationships are a two-way street. Yes, everyone should be trying, but there is only one thing we can control in this world: ourselves.

Influence and add value

As a leader representing a team or department of the organisation, we have insights, information, and skills that can add value to conversations and influence decisions.

We should never be a seat warmer. We are there for a reason and that reason should be to add value as a team member and influence decisions.

People sitting in executive or senior leadership positions are pictured as having high intelligence and sometimes even as being the “high and mighty”. In truth, they are just human beings, the same as us. They don’t always have the answers, but they will make decisions based on the information they have. If we don’t provide input, or add value to the conversation, they don’t know what they don’t know.

Take ownership

Our mind is so quick to look for other people to blame or other people to take responsibility. Again, we reiterate ownership when managing up.

There is always some type of action we can take to improve a situation. It may not change the original decision, but it can make the decision a little easier to process or work with.

When we are in any form of middle management, the temptation is there to simply be a messenger between the front line and upper management. This shouldn’t be the case. As middle managers, we should be looking at all situations being fed up to us as a problem requiring ownership and a solution by us. It is our opportunity — and really our role — to stop the problem there at our level and manage back down the solution.

Communicate with solutions

Communication is an absolute given, but remember that communication is a two-way interaction.

It’s not just about being reactive to the requests for communication that come from above. It’s about being proactive with our communication and providing information through reports, updates, and any form of communication that provides insights into how our team/department is doing in line with our goals and the company strategy.

There should be some type of formal or informal agreement between leaders of what the expectation is when it comes to communication for both parties. This should include the frequency, the communication platform (for example, email, report, phone call, meeting), why it is important, the expectations of how it will look and what it will include.

Be highly independent

Team members who require constant assistance from their leader, either asking excessive questions, asking for opinions, or copying them into every email and communication, don’t project a lot of independence and confidence.

As we move into higher levels of leadership, being highly independent is not just an expectation; it’s a must-have. You need to be able to perform at a high standard independently as well as a team member.

Incorporate critical thinking

While there are many different definitions and steps to critical thinking, I like to reference Monash University’s definition: “Critical thinking is a kind of thinking in which you question, analyse, interpret, evaluate and make a judgement about what you read, hear, say or write.”

The Monash critical thinking model takes us through six core skills:

1. Clarify your thinking purpose and context.
2. Question your sources of information.
3. Identify arguments.
4. Analyse sources and arguments.
5. Evaluate the arguments of others.
6. Create or synthesise your own arguments.

Without critical thinking, we lose the substance to our decisions and communication. Building this skill makes managing up easier in every situation.

Adopt a united front

One of our biggest downfalls is to only see our “team” when managing down and think that this is the only team we should be focused on. We always have peers who are also middle managers. Yes, they might have completely different expertise or departments from us, but they will still be faced with similar people problems and management situations.

Too often when we are managing up, we don’t see the other people around the table as our team. Each of us goes in on behalf of our own team and becomes quite pushy or defensive to get the best possible outcome for the team that we manage down. It creates conflict and competition internally rather than a united team that is making decisions based on what is best for the organisation.

A united front is not just working together; it’s communicating together as well.

This is an edited extract from The Emotional Intelligence Advantage by Amy Jacobson.