4 tips to become a better mentor

Mentorship is a valuable tool in the modern workforce. With skills shortages weighing heavy on leaders, development can be a worthwhile investment. This is where mentorship shines.

In a recent HR Leader article, we considered the business case for taking on a mentor. Now, we’re looking at how to navigate the mentor relationship and what to avoid.

In conversation with Richard Palmer, entrepreneurial investor and chair at The Executive Connection (TEC), we unearthed four ways to be a better business mentor.

1. Build trust and a culture of openness

Mr Palmer facilitates group mentoring activities in his role, which he said are beneficial. “When the groups work well, you end up building really close personal relationships with them because you get to see what they’re going through in their personal and professional lives. It’s a privilege,” Mr Palmer said. “That doesn’t happen overnight, and it only happens if you’ve got a trusted environment.”

When asked how best to build a culture of trust and openness, Mr Palmer said there was no substitute for being completely authentic and transparent as a leader.

“You just have to have open, honest conversations about the things that are real in people’s lives. And if you’re a non-judgmental listener who, on occasion, offers counsel, it’s amazing how quickly you can build that trust.”

Similarly, the Art of Mentoring considers the following three tips to be the most effective ways to build trust as a mentor:

1. Listen more.
2. Keep your promises.
3. Don’t just be open, be vulnerable.

In relation to the third tip, Art of Mentoring said: “Mentors that are open about their mistakes, their weaknesses, their failures and foibles, immediately knock themselves off the pedestal and make themselves more approachable.”

2. Challenge, don’t judge

Strong mentorship observes the difference between challenging and constructive pushing back and judgment. “You’ve got to be there as a trusted individual. Somebody [who] is going to listen [and] challenge. Challenging is a really important part of what I do. But you can’t judge, that’s really hard to do,” said Mr Palmer.

The former is positive and can add real value for the mentee, whereas the latter can erode trust and make a mentee less receptive. While listening is crucial, said Mr Palmer, it isn’t enough.

“Now, what that doesn’t mean is that you’re just a sounding board to reflect back to the individual you’re working with. You have to bring your own experiences to bear as well,” he said.

“You can’t tell people what to do,” he explained, “but I absolutely believe that you can offer counsel and options and suggestions that allow the mentor to be able to make more informed decisions”.

3. Accept change

Like hiring a new employee, the effectiveness of a mentor relationship will largely come down to ensuring the match is right in the first place. “There are situations where [mentoring] doesn’t go well,” said Mr Palmer. “One of the main reasons for this is that, actually, the people just don’t get along with each other.”

That said, even if a relationship is, at first, a mutually productive one, the dynamic might change over time, and so too can the productivity of the relationship.

“I don’t necessarily think that an individual mentor should be mentoring somebody forever and ever. There are relationships that I’ve had that have gone on for decades, which is fantastic. And then there are ones that have gone on for years,” said Mr Palmer.

“I think you have to be comfortable ending the relationship if you reach a point where you’re no longer getting value out of it.”

Like any relationship, priorities change and develop over time, often independent of the relationship. Though it can be hard to tell exactly when the relationship ceases to benefit both parties, Mr Palmer believes that there’s typically a sense from one party or the other that something has changed.

“I think, as individuals, we’re pretty good at knowing when a relationship needs to be renewed,” he explained. “An ex-sports coach once told me that people come in and out of your life for a reason, and part of coming into your life is that they will go out of your life.”

4. Don’t take over

Mentoring is about listening and providing counsel. It is not about taking responsibility for the choices of a mentee, nor is it about exerting undue influence.

“If you talk to the more experienced mentors,” said Mr Palmer, “they will tell you the one thing you’re not is you’re not the individual that’s running the business or the team. You can’t take responsibility for doing the job that the person you’re mentoring is doing.”

As noted by Mr Palmer, one of the great benefits of finding a mentor outside of your boss or colleagues is that there is a degree of separation between your work and theirs. That independent neutrality fosters openness, encourages vulnerability, and can improve trust.

“I’m always going to be a bit more reticent in conversation with a boss or colleague than if I’m talking with someone who is actually independent,” said Mr Palmer.