Professional intimacy – seeing humanness as well as worthiness

“I was asked to be part of a project team. From the start I was referred to as their ‘additional resource’. I didn’t feel like a part of the team at all, just a body to fill a role. I need connection to do my job well. It wasn’t long before I went elsewhere.” (Quote from a real person)

The dehumanisation of our corporate language is a sad mirror of the actual experience of many people. Creating an environment and culture of adaptability and flexibility is the aim of many organisations, yet in doing so many are forgetting that with high challenge must come high support.

Professional intimacy is a deliberately incongruous pairing of words. It springs from the concept of ‘ferocious warmth’ leadership: leaders who are focused on not only excellent results, but also excellent relationships. These leaders are aware of the daily dance required to lead well. The dance moves between the head and the heart depending on the context.

Professional intimacy helps us bridge the head and the heart of professional relationships.

When we build this concept, it helps to move aloof, ‘results-only’ driven leaders, who tend not to connect with people at any emotional level, but stay in the cognitive, logical mode, into leaders who recognises the inherent worth, hopes and motivations of individuals.

At the other end, professional intimacy helps more heart-driven leaders balance their focus with outcomes, results, and professional expectations.

Research continually highlights that a team and leadership with emotional intelligence and competency has a more profound impact on outcomes than having a team of brilliant people who don’t or can’t connect. It is the balance of both results and relationships that moves us to high performance.

Professional intimacy is about taking down the barriers to deep collaboration and high performance.

These barriers are often linked more to human issues than systemic. Territorialism, ego, lack of listening and authentic dialogue, focus on competition rather than collaboration all lead back to a lack of connection, empathy and partnership. When people step into professional intimacy, the willingness to see each other’s humanness first sets the foundation for relationships that have the trust to delve into transformative conversations.

Our first level of safety in a team lies in belonging. It is an emotional response. We are social creatures and feeling included and valued because of our humanness first and foremost, rather than what skills and ‘usefulness’ we bring to the team, allows us to move to greater contribution and growth.

People thrive when they feel seen and valued and leaders set the scene for this environment. When we thrive at work, we are engaged, happier, healthier – and we think better! When we feel connected and safe to contribute and challenge, our prefrontal cortex is flooded with the chemistry that sets off higher levels of cognition leading to better problem solving, decision-making, and collaboration.

Here are some first steps to consider:

• Let people share their story
• Tell your story
• Share your failings
• Show courage and kindness

Tracey Ezard is the creator of the Ferocious Warmth leadership framework and collaborative learning culture framework The Buzz.