Your boss isn’t the problem – your expectations are

Waiting for the perfect leader so you can finally become your best self is a losing strategy, writes Grant Wyatt.

For decades, the corporate world has chased a seductive idea: that better leadership will fix everything. If managers just became more empathetic, agile, and inspiring, everything else would fall into place.

It sounds reasonable. It is also flawed.

We’ve turned leaders into workplace superheroes expected to be strategists, coaches, therapists, and performance drivers all at once. Then we act surprised when ordinary humans fail to meet an impossible brief.

The truth is, your manager is probably not exceptional. They aren’t broken, either, just human, likely promoted for their technical skills and thrust into a role demanding emotional intelligence, people development, and political navigation, often without the training or time to do it.

If your growth and fulfilment depend on finding a flawless leader, you have become a hostage waiting for rescue, destined for chronic disappointment.

The cost of workplace victimhood

Workplaces are rife with narratives like “My boss is a micromanager”, “She never communicates”, and “He doesn’t support my development”. These gripes may be accurate. They are also addictive, providing social bonding in corridors, while taking a hidden tax: your agency.

As organisations moved away from command-and-control leadership, the pendulum swung too far. We demand autonomy while expecting managers to curate our emotional experience of work. We want empowerment without accountability, growth without discomfort, and clarity without having to ask difficult questions.

Framing yourself as a victim of subpar leadership may feel justified, but it is career quicksand. Leadership cannot carry what you can carry yourself.

5 signals of self-leadership

This isn’t about lowering standards for leaders; it’s about raising them for yourself. Here’s how to reclaim your power:

1. Seek clarity, not permission

Stop waiting to be “managed” into effectiveness. When direction is vague, define success yourself as best as you can. Articulate your take on priorities, metrics, and assumptions, then ask for a clear yes or no.

The leverage: You build a reputation for autonomy. People trust those who act with intent, not those who wait for instruction.

2. Bring solutions, not just problems

Raising issues is easy. Creating options is where value lives. Pair every problem with recommendations, scenarios, or small experiments. Escalate only after you have done the thinking.

The leverage: You become a problem solver, not a problem broadcaster. Potential is noticed through contribution, not commentary.

3. Communicate for impact, not catharsis

Venting feels good, but it often changes nothing. Offer honest, respectful feedback aimed at improving outcomes, not offloading frustration. Chronic venting without positive intent erodes credibility.

The Leverage: Influence grows from those who want the system to work, not those who narrate its flaws from the sidelines.

4. Turn bad bosses into case studies

Every poor leader is a masterclass in what not to do. Notice their blind spots, the downstream effects of their decisions, but also observe what they do well. Learn what to emulate and what to avoid becoming.

The leverage: You transform any environment into leadership training. Bad managers become your teachers, rather than your roadblocks.

5. Own your development

The era of the organisation-designed “learning pathway” is over. Stop waiting for your manager to enrol you in a course. Learning has never been more accessible through mentors, AI, and global networks. Explore and use it to the full.

The leverage: You future-proof yourself. Your growth no longer depends on a training budget or a manager’s priorities.

Don’t let disappointment become your identity

Yes, leadership capability matters – but the modern workplace demands that every professional bring systems thinking, adaptability, curiosity, and resilience. No manager can bestow these qualities. They are built, often through friction, ambiguity, and imperfect environments.

We have all heard the phrase: “People don’t leave companies, they leave managers.” Data suggests around half do. Yet global engagement continues to decline. People escape one disappointing leader only to encounter another, carrying the same expectations into a new context without changing their internal operating system.

If you leave a bad manager without developing self-leadership, you are simply rolling the dice again.

If it’s toxic, leave. If not, lead yourself

Exceptional leaders are, by definition, exceptions. Your success doesn’t require their perfection. It requires ownership of your standards, energy, and development.

Work is not a prison. If your environment is genuinely toxic, leaving is a valid, powerful choice. If you stay, choose self-leadership. Owning your mindset and contribution – regardless of your boss’s capability – is the only way to unlock true professional peace and self-respect. Accept the reality of your context and act within it.

Waiting for the perfect leader so you can finally become your best self is a losing strategy. The most successful people are not those who found flawless bosses. They are those who learnt to thrive despite imperfect ones.

Grant Wyatt is a Melbourne-based HR executive, author, and keynote speaker focused on responsibility-centred leadership, workplace culture, AI, and the future of work.